Before I start, let me just say that I am NOT, in ANY WAY, obsessed with children's card games. Daniel will get this more than anyone else...

Warning: This topic contains spoilers! Don't say I didn't warn you.

Because I just did.

Hey everyone, Sam McCormack here. I'm taking a break from my busy schedule (ahem...) to tell you about a movie I saw recently. It's called "THe Spiderwick Chronicles." Starring:
Freddy Highmore
Seth Rogan
Freddy Highmore
Nick Nolte
Martin Short
Freddy Highmore
and Freddy Highmore.

Yes, folks. Martin Short is in this movie. For those of you who thought his career had died in the Santa Claus 3: The Quickening, I'm afraid you were sadly mistaken.
Let me start off by saying that this is the least believable movie ever made. Not because of all the magic and mythical creatures; or the fact that Freddy Highmore is playing an American; or even because Martin Short seems to have an acting career again! No, this movie as completely illogical, because none of the children play card games! I mean, it's a 90-minute movie! That gives them ample time to throw in a scene where one character is having a duel with another character; Or even just sho show someone re-structuring their deck! But no. There's not even a trace of a Dark Magician. As a movie-goer, I was deeply insulted by this obvious "mistake", and I wish to have my money back. So that I might spend it on trading cards!
So, this movie is called the Spiderwick Chronicles. Why in the name of Harladn Williams are there so many chronicles these days? You've got the Sarah Connor Chronicles, the Chronicles of Narnia, the Chronicles of Riddick, Sonic the Hedgehog Chronicles, Roughnecks the Starship Trooper Chronicles... Why aren't there any Sam McCormack Chronicles? So, this movie is about, like, a bunch of angsty little kids all played by Freddy Highmore. Yes, even the girl. All living with their highly-strung mother, who all go to live in this run-down old house in the middle of nowhere. There they find this field guide that allows them to see hordes of magical CG-I creatures; Including Nick Nolte, who has been appropriately cast as the CG-I equivalent of Satan. Apparently, CG-I Satan wants the guide so that he can capture all the Pokemon in the world, and complete his Pokedex; making him the most envied trainer in the whole of the Spiderwick Universe. Or... Something along those lines. Wasn't really paying attention.
Freddy Highmore was obviously tying to affect and American accent for this movie. He does a fairly good job, although there's another character in this movie who is also intended to be American. But when we meet her, she turns out to be veteran British actress Joan Ploughwright. Why a woman who has been acting for several decades couldn't be bothered to change her accent while acting opposite a teenager who plays not one, but two characters, both with completely different voices, is a mystery!
As I've mentioned, Freddy Highmore plays twins. Why they needed him to play both characters is beyond me. It doesn't serve the plot in any significant way; It just makes you go "wait, which Freddy Highmore is that? Is it the angsty Freddy Highmore? Or is it the really, really angsty Freddy Highmore?". Apparently, the characters were twins in the novel as well, but this seems like one of those details you could easily skip when making the translation from page to screen; unless you happen to be one of those anal fanbrats who throws a hissyfit is Harry Potter isn't acting like a huge, gimpy jerk like he was in the books. Not that I've read them or anything; If it doesn't involve children's card games, then I'm not interested. Quidditch? Don't make me laugh. I've got your Golden Snitch right here, Rowling!
Now, I don't want to ruin it for anybody, even though the film does an ample job of that by itself, but I really need to talk about the ending; because it is one of the most bizzare endings I've every witnessed! And I've watched Eraserhead. Upside-down. While tripping on acid! There's only one way to describe it. And that's by telling you what happens with words from my mouth. And I'm not making this up; Seth Rogan EATS Nick Nolte! You heard me right;
Seth Rogan
EATS
Nick Nolte!
It's like something out of Silence of the Lambs.
Except it's Seth Rogan.
And Nick Nolte.
Being eaten by Seth Rogan.
It was pretty disturbing. By the way, this movie is based on a series of children's novels. Apparently, it isn;t a very faithful adaptation. But after doing some research, I can conclude that neither the books nor the movie contain card games. So they're both as worthless as each other! I give this movie one and a half Dark Magicians out of four. It was rather like watching Joey Wheeler try to duel Seto Kaiba. It's so pitiful you end up feeling rather guilty for laughing at it so damn hard. But then you remember it's just Joey. So you carry on laughing anyway! I'm Sam McCormack, and this was my two cents.
Which, when compared to your two cents is like fifty bucks!
Thank you, I'm Sam McCormack.

(In a perfect world, everybody would sound like me)

Yeah.

hai, wth is he point of this "unrelated topics" stuff, no one actually posts on this site anyways >.>